Mother, daughter reunite after 17 years

by Elysia Conner
Tuesday, May 6, 2008 2:04 PM MDT

“Hi Mom, it’s me. I want to talk to you,” were the first words that Andrea Whisler had spoken to her mother in more than 17 years.

She was terrified to make that call, but it was time to begin the repairs she needed to make with her family. It was a difficult conversation, as they both recalled.

Andrea described her former way of life as one in which she would “lie, cheat and steal” to get what she wanted. She was in a destructive marriage, and allowed her husband to come between her and her family.

“I threw everything away -- my mom, brothers, my sister, everything … and it will never happen again,” she said.

Today, her mother, Pat Grace, is her best friend in the world. Her family is the most important thing to her, and she will never forget the lessons she has learned the hard way.

When Pat picked up the phone and heard her daughter’s voice, she thought, “What does she want?”

Pat had heard excuses and apologies before, only to see Andrea go right back to a lifestyle she could not condone.

It would take more than one call for her to believe that Andrea would change her ways. She would have to put effort into regaining the trust she had broken.

“I made her work for it, and she did,” Pat said.

Andrea said she already had done a lot of soul searching before making the call. A pastor at a church in Alabama encouraged her to dial the number.

Over a year and half and many tearful conversations, she slowly began to build a relationship again with her mother.

“We had to start all over again as strangers,” Andrea said.

“Nothing comes before family”

They both remember the day: Oct. 4, 2007, when they met face to face for the first time in nearly two decades.

Andrea had moved from Alabama to Portland, Ore. She had just come out of a bad relationship with her former fiancé, and Pat asked her to come home.

“She opened her home and heart to me, and even let my two cats stay,” Andrea said.

She lived with her mother until she was ready to move into her own apartment in January.

In the past few years, Andrea rediscovered the values her mother instilled in her at a young age. Pat spent eight years as a special education assistant in Gillette and at Woods School in Casper during the time she raised Andrea and her siblings.

They all were involved in activities for those students. Her children learned by example to give to those who have less. They also learned to appreciate older folks, because Pat always gave some of her time to senior citizens.

Pat later worked as an economic assistant supervisor for the Department of Family Services in Casper before retiring in 2003 to take care of her ill husband. He died in 2004.

“I missed all that,” Andrea said. “There is no excuse for it.”

Andrea said her mother “taught me wonderful values growing up,” and she plans to live by those values from now on. One of the most important things she has learned from her mother is that “nothing comes before family.”

As she spent time with her mother again, the 1983 Kelly Walsh High School graduate remembered how Pat had always been there for her, watching her play sports in school and supporting her.

Andrea now is dedicated to being a good daughter, sister and aunt to her eight nephews and nieces.

“You have to give in order to receive,” Andrea said. “If you can’t give of yourself, then why are you here?”

“In our financial bracket, that is about all you have to give,” Pat said.

Supporting each other

Andrea also said that she feels better about herself now that she has become an honest person again.

“What counts is what you do when nobody is looking,” said Pat, while Andrea explained that when she finds another person’s belongings in her apartment complex, she turns them in to the office instead of keeping them, as she once would have done.

Her mother is proud of how far Andrea has come. She looks forward to seeing her get her health back, and “build a good life for herself.”

Pat will be at her daughter’s side when she goes in for gastric bypass surgery. She currently is building up her health enough to make the surgery possible.

Andrea also is proud of her mother, who gives singing performances for seniors at assisted living centers.

“I get more out of it than they do,” said Pat, who got back into performing after 25 years to get through the death of her husband.

Milt Clark encouraged her to begin again. A big hit at the senior centers, she enjoys hearing them tell her about the memories she brings back to them by singing old songs.

This Mother’s Day, Andrea will be there to hear Pat perform at the Mother’s Day brunch at Park Place at 11 a.m.

Pat also will sing at Shepherd of the Valley on May 9 for a Mother's Day celebration.

Andrea doesn't mind sharing her mom with others on Mother's Day, because she loves to show her off and watch her do what she loves.

E-mail Elysia Conner at elysia.conner@casperjournal.com.

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